Monkey Business

M is for milk.

Result < Groovy

Philip Quinn was tinkering with a lava lamp and a stove. Sadly, he neglected to do his research on thermodynamics, namely thermal expansion, and the result was a hand-grenade in his kitchen.

Some stereotypes are true

Bridges TV launched today. It’s a Muslim Cable/Sat channel in the US. On their website, they have an ad for buying 7-11 stores. No, seriously, check it out. When was the last time you saw a prominent ad for buying a 7-11? What? Never? Then you’re probably not a Muslim.

On this day in 1991

"I did his ribs just like in a restaurant. It's so sweet, it's so tender and delicious. I like mine tender."

Omeima Nelson speaking about her late husband.

Stem cells allow paralyzed patient to walk.

"The stem cell transplantation was performed on Oct. 12 this year and in just three weeks she started to walk with the help of a walker," Song told reporters at a news conference in Seoul. (UNITED PRESS INTERNATIONAL)

The woman's legs were paralyzed after an accident in 1985 that damaged her back and hips and confined her to a wheelchair.

Those that vote against this research are requested to stay in their seats.

Supreme Court goes to pot.

The U.S. Supreme Court will hear arguments in a medical marijuana case today. The Justice Department believes that federal authority trumps all, even doctors, patients, quality of life and state rights. Never mind that we are all endowed by our Creator with such inalienable rights as Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness - federal authority trumps this.
Other arguments come from Antidrug groups, who believe that this would increase the number of people (who need their thinking done for them, and have no inalienable rights) who use it recreationally. I hate people like this. They must live in a box, because it is easier to get marijuana than it is to get a prescription for painkillers.
The only logical alternative is to legalize it and tax the crap out of it, for in the wise wise words of Abraham Lincoln:
"Prohibition will work great injury to the cause of temperance. It is a species of intemperance within itself, for it goes beyond the bounds of reason in that it attempts to control a man's appetite by legislation, and makes a crime out of things that are not crimes. A Prohibition law strikes a blow at the very principles upon which our government was founded."

On this day in 1864

Brave Army Colonel John Chivington and the Third Colorado Calvary beat down Black Kettle and his war mongering Southern Cheyennes. Colonel Chivington fought bitterly as he was out manned 6 to 1. Never mind the fact that Black Kettle raised a white flag and an American flag over his teepee, nor the fact that these Cheyennes were unarmed and primarily composed of women and children. He killed them anyway.

This massacre at Sand Creek may have outraged easterners, but people in the Colorado territory sat as a delighted audience in Denver as Chivington regaled them with the stories of his conquests, even showing some 100 Indian scalps, including the pubic pelts of women.

Swiss endorse stem cell research

A 66.4% approval in the popular vote is paving the way for the Swiss to continue their cutting edge (pun intended) medical research and their status as the place to be for medical research on this rock. They are limited to using human embryos that are less than seven days old. These are left over from fertilization treatments and slated for destruction anyway.

I just don’t see a problem with this. Maybe its because I firmly believe that the fetus can be safely aborted up to the 75th trimester.

I’ve digressed.

Like abortions, where if you don’t like ‘em, don’t have ‘em, stem cell research can be viewed the same way. If you don’t like stem cell research, that’s fine, don’t provide any embryos and don’t benefit from any potential breakthroughs resulting from it.

You’re gunna feel real silly if it cures something you're dying from though won’t you.

Finally, keep in mind that the US military is currently doing stem cell research, unabated. Every vote against it is like saying, “I only want to use this as a weapon”.

On this day in 1895

At 8:55 AM six horseless vehicles left Chicago’s Jackson Park on a 54-mile race to Evanston and back - through the snow. Horseless vehicle Number 5, piloted by its inventor, won the race in a little over 10 hours with a blistering average speed of 7.3MPH.

J. Frank Duryea, the winner, won the $2,000.00 purse offered by the Chicago Times-Herald. Another enthusiest won $500.00 that day – for naming the horseless vehicals Motorcycles.

On this day in 1934

Baby Face Nelson eats his final meal - 17 bullets.

Another reason why I hate Liberals

Paul Ryan is a Liberal and he’s upset with a Man in Arizona. Seems The Man in Arizona has a sign in his yard that Mr. Ryan doesn’t want to look at. Nevermind the fact that Paul lives in Wisconson (Apt. 823 @ 804 Cass St in La Crosse to be precise), which is roughly 1900 miles from the sign he is pissed at. An ability to see it from there can only be described as a "Personal Problem". The problem is that Paul likes to tell other people what to do and how to think, just like a Liberal. He also gets really upset when a) people don't think like he does and b) other people don't object to item a.

I may find the context of The Man’s sign to be unconscionable beyond reproach, but like The Man I long for a simpler time, back when people didn’t tell other people what they could do with their own home, much less from 1900 miles away.

On a side note: I'll never tell you what to think cuz I just don't care what you think.

Say it with me.

Palestinian hip-hop group. Yea. Say it out loud and let the words roll around in your mouth. Hip Hop. Palestine. DAM - The question arises though, out there do you have to do drive-by suicide bombings to be a thug? How do you get street credibility when your intestines are strewn all over it? How many Jews could a Palestinian thug kill if a Palestinian thug could kill Jews? Is Tamer Nafer a hard core street name? I tried to read some lyrics, but you could shove a pencil up your butt and write more legibly then they do.

Maybe when they do their US tour they can hang out with these guys, but uhh, let’s make them take a bus, k?

Down with Whitey

In Reno Nevada they have taken to catering to minorities by naming schools after those that chose paths other than the stereotypical tomfoolery that The Man commonly associates with them. All would be well, except for the fact that both the Latinos and the Blacks want a new school named after someone that matches their position on the color wheel. This, it seems, is all part of The Man’s plan to "conquer and divide blacks from Latinos" according to Onie Cooper, a former president of the local chapter of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People.

Onie seems to be missing some other colorful choices for school names that The Man passed over on his way towards making minorities feel more like the majority. Names like the Bobby Frank Cherry Intermediate School were not even considered for obvious reasons, but never the less, even when trying to placate minority groups The Man is still trying to screw them over.

Down With Whitey.

Thought for the day.

$10M Shrimp?

In January 2001, Jerry Colaitis and his family went to a Benihana style Japanese restaurant. This style of restaurant is known for its hibachi tables where the chef cooks the food at your table with flair and style – the ones where the food is tossed in the air.
Apparently the food was tossed and Jerry tried to dodge a piece of shrimp (which are known to be dangerous, have sharp pointy edges, and eat the brains of unsuspecting patrons) and in doing so, he allegedly injured his neck. Several months later he underwent surgery at NYU Medical Center in June of that year and was admitted in November to St. Francis Hospital due to complications from his surgery – he died the next day.
His wife has filed a 10 million (yes, that’s million with a pinky) lawsuit against the restaurant because the “flying shrimp” set a chain of events in motion resulting in her husbands death. No kidding. Even stranger is that Justice Roy S. Mahon of the Nassau County Supreme Court has allowed the suit to continue.

I understand that Americans are so hopelessly inept that they must resort to litigation rather than use their remote control to change the channel on their TV, much less turn it off, God forbid! BUT, have we become so mentally incapacitated that the concept of “Taking responsibility for ones own actions” is so foreign that anyone, !everyone! else must be to blame rather than face the prospect that ones self may bear responsibility for ones own actions?

Kapsules Rock.

PETA thought for the day.

Pass the ketchup.

On this day in 1975

Ross McWhirter, co-founder and editor of the Guinness Book of World Records, reaps the rewards from his £50k offer for information leading to the arrest of IRA bombers - he is shot dead.

On this day in 1976

The Sex Pistols release Anarchy in the UK. Punk was never better.

Not very helpful

Make it count.

Worn out gone ocean calmly...

after supper o much fatter
how to reconcile this matter

lies disfigured one on top no distinction soaking sing
a screaming phrased in ill contempt
not worth it

this controls my mind

so whose resolve cant stop them now
raving mad so very small
kisses dust storm wave good-bye
have no need to scrape so high

-Skinny Puppy, Blue Serge

PETA thoughts for the day.

1) There is room for all God's creatures - right next to the mash potatoes.
2) For every animal you don’t eat, I’m eating three.
3) Nothing says “I support People Eating Tasty Animals” like hot wings!

On this day in 1867

Alfred Nobel is granted the patent for dynamite. Peace flourishes.

On this day in 1971

D.B. Cooper hijacks a Northwest Orient 727 and parachutes into the freezing rain over Washington state from the rear stairway of the plane with $200,000 in cash. Rotting currency from the ransom is eventually located, but his rotting body isn't.

Mexican mob burns officers alive

An angry crowd in Mexico City has burnt alive two police officers and seriously injured another after mistaking them for child kidnappers.

The agents were taking photos of pupils at a primary school on Tuesday, where two children had recently gone missing.

Live cameras caught the mob beating the officers before dousing two of them with gasoline and setting them ablaze.

The Pardoned Turkey

by Jay D. Dyson (11/17/2004)